“All achievements, whether in the business, intellectual, or spiritual world, are the result of definitely directed thought.” James Allen (British writer)
If you are like most couples you probably spent many hours, months and possible years thinking about and planning your wedding. I would strongly encourage and invite you to put some energy into thinking about and planning your life together. Consider what relationship goals you would like to work toward together.
Do you really know what you want in your relationship and out of life? Or are your thoughts and attention focused on what you do not want? Set the intention to focus on seeing and creating what you do want in your relationship. It is helpful to write down your relationship goals.
Here are some questions to get you started thinking of possible relationship goals (Each of you answer the questions and then share your answers):
- What time together did I enjoy most this past year? In the past 5 years?
- What things that we used to do would I like to do more of as a couple?
- What is something new that I would like us to try as a couple?
- What would my ideal couple getaway look like for us?
- If I could choose a relationship goal for the next year, what would I choose?
Relationship goals can fall into several categories. Many of my clients express a desire to improve their ability to communicate. Other concerns couples often notice include wanting to feel supported, to find ways to share household responsibilities, to improve financial stability, to improve their feelings of connection, to improve their sex life or intimate relations, or to have more fun together.
Some possible goal suggestions (remember you need to personalize the goals to suit you as a couple)
- Start your day with a hug-a real full frontal, gentle, but firm hug. Aim for at least a 10 second hug.
- Go on a date once a week. Make it something fun for both of you or take turns doing what the other likes to do. Remember, if you are taking turns that you need to do so cheerfully.
- Talk everyday. Talk about more than the business of life or what the kids are doing. Share who you are with each other.
- Express gratitude everyday. Notice what each other does well and share what you notice.
- Do more than say I love you. Find ways to demonstrate your love in ways that your partner will appreciate.
Carefully consider what areas of your relationship you would like to improve. I would recommend choosing to work on one goal at a time. Work together to create a joint goal that works for you both of you. If you are not in agreement on a joint goal, you could each chose one goal to begin. In this case each of you would come up with a personal goal for improving the relationship. Be careful to not set goals for each other. Focus instead on what you can do to improve the relationship.
“If you really know what you want out of life, it’s amazing how opportunities will come to enable you to carry them out.” By John M. Goddard